How many people struggle with homosexual feelings?
According to most new studies, between 2% and 4% of the population struggle with this beyond adolescence. You may have heard or read the answer "10%." This number comes from a man named Alfred Kinsey, who did research in the late 1940's. There are various problems with the way he did his research, and the answer of ten percent is now considered too high. While numbers might be interesting to know about, the size of a group of people should not determine how they are treated. Whether there are many who struggle with homosexual feelings, or only a few, they should be treated with the same respect as anyone else.
Can you tell if someone is attracted to the same sex by the way they look or act?
Generally, you cannot tell whether someone is attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex by the way they look or act. If a girl likes playing sports, or if a guy doesn't like sports is no indication of their struggles. A guy who lisps or who is limp-wristed may or may not be attracted to the same sex -- you can't tell by looking at his mannerisms.
Why do some people experience same-sex attraction?
There are different ideas about why some people experience same-sex attraction:
1. Many same-sex-attracted people have a sense of being "different" from a very early age and consequently they believe that they were born that way. Sometimes news magazines have even made it sound like scientists have found genetic proof. So far, there is no proof that this is really true. A person who reads what scientists themselves have written will see that the research does not lead to the conclusion that people are born attracted to the same sex. Even one of the larger pro-gay organizations, explains that there is no conclusive evidence that people are born with same-sex attractions in one of its booklets.
2.Other people believe that some people have these feelings because they chose them. For most, this is not true. They did not wake up one morning and say to themselves, "Well, so far in my life I've been pretty normal; from now on I think I am going to be attracted to the same sex." The direction of our attractions is not something that we can quickly change, like switching a light on and off.
Of course, no matter what are struggles are, we always have a choice about what we do -- whether and how we act on our feelings and desires. Just because we feel like doing something, doesn't mean we are compelled to do it. As well, those who experience same-sex attraction can choose whether or not they wish to identify themselves with a label like "gay" or "lesbian."
3.Others believe that some people are this way because of what happened to them during their life. They may have been hurt emotionally and it may affect the way they feel about themselves. They may have been sexually abused or had a broken relationship with one or both of their parents. (From our work with people who want to leave homosexuality, we know that many have experienced one or both of these. Of course, not everyone who has been sexually abused or who has had a bad relationship with a parent is attracted to the same sex. And not everyone who is attracted to the same sex has been sexually abused.) Over time -- and depending on the help they were given for working through difficult things that happened to them, what other negative events they experienced, the choices they made in response, and so on -- they became attracted to people of the same sex. This process is sometimes called "environmental," "developmental" or "nurture rather than nature." Generally, it seems that there are a number of different factors which are of different degrees of importance in different people's lives. These can include:
• factors that you're born with (for example, temperament or possible genetic predisposition),
• whether there were other significant negative experiences in childhood (for example, sexual abuse, or rejection by peers),
• whether a person's family situation was good or bad,
• the amount and kind of support that was available to help the child or young person deal with what was happening,
• the kind of moral training a child received,
• the choices that were made in response to feelings and attractions,
• how clear or confused gender roles are in a particular culture, etc.